I have a few random things going on in my head.
Turtle and I are having a major fight. We are now talking to each other again after all the drama of yelling, crying and screaming at one another. I hope we get over this soon. It is really emotionally draining.
I saw a video of Keri Hilson’s the way you love me single. Em. Awkward. One or two raunchy moves …. not bad ….but making me cringe for five minutes because your crotch is in my face?
My first thought was how they managed to get her lady part so well waxed and nice looking. Hairy people like myself can only dream. Think the Amazonian jungle. I can’t remember the last time I wore a bikini. I am always in a bikini top and shorts. Only permanent Laser hair removal can help me now.
Fashion Week was one huge doozie. I know designers are uber creative and make wonderful thought provoking pieces that are honestly very wearable in this day and age where anything goes (thank Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj). But some looks were just mind blowing-ly ugly. Just ugly.
I bought five pairs of shoes in one week/end. I feel a tad guilty for the splurge but believe me when I say I needed new shoes. So I went to DSW and Marshalls and bought myself shoes – total overkill. And no this is not an emotional response to my fight with Turtle.
Someone *cough @verastic* was giving me grief because I bought all black shoes. In fact I quote: “… five pairs of black shoes? That’s worse than Omotola’s ‘high pitch’ singing voice.”
LMAO.
Now – I may not be a fashionista, in fact, I hate buying clothing that are part of a fad like jeggings because they will be obsolete in a year. As a third world babe, I buy clothes that are timeless. In fact I am still swooning over this vintage vest I found at a consignment shop…
As I was saying…I may not be a fashionista, I may not even know how to properly apply make-up (eyeliner scare the heck out of me…i keep thinking I will poke out my eye. I only recently managed to learn how to put on lash liners without painting my entire eyelid)…
BUT!
I know shoes. Especially everyday functional shoes.
In the words of my little sister, “you really know how to shop for shoes.” Before I moved to Atlanta, I had almost 200 pairs but I sold most and donated the rest to the charity thrift stores. I have not built up my shoe collection since then. Partly because I have honestly been too busy focusing on my wardrobe – going from sub-zero state to somewhere north of Florida means a whole new wardrobe – which is costly. No one ever tells you to budget for things like this when you move.
Please forgive the dated images below. I was five yrs younger and 20 pounds lighter. I miss this pair … I lost it the very day I took this photo….
One of my favorites. I donated this to charity….
Here are my personal rules to shoe-buying:
1) It must be comfortable. This is perhaps the most difficult to accomplish because the best looking shoes are usually tough to walk in. I love low inch heels and occasionally get a 5-1ncher for events that require that I am on my butt most of the time.
2) When in doubt, buy black or a mix of black/brown, black/tan, black/dark color or solid brown. If you must buy in color, make sure you have at least two outfits that you can coordinate the shoe with. I can’t tell you how many times I stare at a pair of shoes I just can’t wear because I have nothing to wear it with.
3) Avoid Mary Jane wannabes. They are fugly. Unfortunately that is what has been in vogue for two years.
4) Every woman must have a pair of pumps. Period.
5) Shoes complete an outfit – not the purse – not the belt – and not your necklace and earrings – SHOES. Be careful when coordinating. Color clashes are an eyesore. A red blouse would look amazing with red shoes or pink shoes. Dear lord, do not wear a red blouse and then finish with light blue shoes or worse – green shoes. I see fashionistas making this mistake and thinking, “am so avant guard.” No, lady. You just gave me the same type of headache I get from reading horrible subtitles.
6) Have heels of every height. On days you may experience some lower back pain, wear your flats (see where black is good idea because the color is so versatile). On days you wear work pant wear shoes no higher than three inches. If possible – wear wedged heels. If you are going on a date, break out your high heels but put a back up pair of casuals in case you go dancing.
7) When looking for functional every day wearability, Anne Klein beats Manolo Blahnick. If you are a fashion editor and spend hours on the red carpet, that is another story.
8 ) Just because a pair of shoes look good, does not mean it is a good idea to buy it. Think clothes when you buy your shoes. Trust me, you will save so much money because you start to buy shoes you actually wear not something that sits in your closet until the perfect outfit comes along. Of my 200 pairs, I only wore maybe – 15 in a two-year period.
9) Summer shoes are a whole different ball game. Remember to get a pedicure and if possible avoid the same color-clash wahala. I hate seeing nails painted fuchsia in brown peep toes. Plus – this is a matter of preference but gladiator sandals must die.
So to *cough @verastic* maybe for your next birthday on January 14, I will give you a pair. As long as my one3snapshot tee arrives safe and sound!
