Archive | September, 2011

One man’s food is another man’s poison.

23 Sep

I started carpooling with a bunch of people a month ago.  The difference this has made to my $300 a month gas bill is just amazing.  Besides, chatting with others makes the hour-long commute shorter.  It can also be interesting considering that all three of them hold Ph.D.s.  Interesting – and a tad over whelming.  I think I have also become smarter after five days a week of listening to thoughts on philosophy, medieval literature, particle acceleration, event horizons, supernovas, protons, and I recall falling asleep when chess moves were being debated.

Anyway, yesterday, one of my carpooling buddies who also happened to be Chinese was asked me if I missed Nigerian food.  I told her that I missed some foods but I am able to cook a lot because there was an African store not too far from where I lived.  Then we started talking about ethnic food.  For the purpose of this post I will call her Lee.

“Chinese food in America, is it really the same in China?” I asked.

“No, no, too fried…. too sweet.  We steam most of our food,” Lee replied.

“Oh, I thought so… but I do like the way the chicken is made.  Speaking of chicken why are the so small in this country?  It’s like they don’t allow them to grow properly before processing them.”

“No, their life cycle is like 48 hours and they inject them with hormones so their breasts grow big.  They can’t stand because of their big breasts!”

“Ewwww.  That is disgusting!” I exclaimed. “Now I am going to have to look for organic chicken.”

“I tried buying organic but – too expensive,” Lee said.

“The chicken thighs are not bad.  They are big enough and I love chicken feet.  I don’t know why th
ey don’t sell them here.”

“I love chicken feet too!”  Lee replied.

Then the discussion went on to how different cultures value different parts of animals.  Nigerians like goat head, chicken feet, cowtail while Chinese like pig’s feet, and lots of pork parts, rabbits and more.

It got me thinking how true they say about one man’s food being another man’s poison.  I remember how buying “bush meat” along the Lagos-Ibadan expressway back in the 90s was such a big deal to me and my siblings.  My father would divvy up the meat and we would enjoy it with relish.  We had no idea what exactly the meat was.  It could have been a rabbit, monkey or giant rodent.  But “bush meat” was just delicious and different from the regular fish-chicken-cow we were used to.

Last week, a friend of ours had a groupon for Highland Tap that was about to expire so she invited us to go to with her.  I ordered my first escargot in puff pastry.  I was not impressed.  I ended up drenching the thing in hot sauce in order to stomach the damn thing.  I explained to my guests (one or two were wrinkled their noses at the idea of eating snails) how we Nigerians cook our snails – properly washed with lime and salt to get the slime off, and stir fried with tomatoes and peppers and spices.  Yum!  (End result not pictured) Yes, my friends.  Nigerians can teach the French a thing or two about escargot.  Pair with red wine blend and you have heaven.

Oh this post got all random on me.  Sorry.  I made egusi with ugu for the first time this week.  I usually use spinach but my sister convinced to try using dried ugu.  Not too bad.  A tip though – boil the ugu to get rid of the old and musty taste that comes with dried vegetables, wash thoroughly before adding to the soup.  I would like to apologize to El Divine who was in Atlanta last week but I was unable to find time for a meet and greet.  I did not even have any food prepared, so I can say that was my inspiration to make some egusi with goat meat.  And also goat meat pepper soup that Turtle decimated in one seating.

Well sha, until next time my peoples.

Taynement’s To-do List

12 Sep

I am so bummed out that I missed Taynement’s birthday.  She just turned 29.  This will be the very last year she will be a twenty-something.  So I figured the next best thing I could do is to give her some old people advice.  Yes, I am an old woman.  At least by naija standards (or so my mom and aunt tell me).

Tayne, in honor of your buffday, I have made a list of things for you to do before you turn 30:

1) Call in sick to work and take yourself shopping, watch a matinee and eat copious amounts of your favorite ice cream in an outdoor cafe.

2) Max out your credit card for no reason.  Buy your self an entire wardrobe if you want but max out one card because next year, you will have to start being “responsible.”

3) Get drunk at a bar/night club and dance on a table.

4) Get kicked out or a bar.

[side bar] you don’t have to do number 4 and number 5 on the same night.  Pace yourself girl.[/sidebar]

5) Drive really really fast.

6) Get in a fist fight.

7) Have a one night stand.

8)  Do NOT date your one night stand.

9) Show up to work still drunk from the night before.  Tell everyone you caught a bug.  No one will know the difference.

10) Stalk your crush and steal an item of clothing that belongs to him, preferably a shirt.  Sniff it when you dream of him as your baby daddy.

11) Cry like a baby when that guy that you had dinner with did not call.  And you really really liked him.

12) When you feel like things are going really bad and you feel overwhelmed, allow yourself to have a meltdown.

13) Don’t feel embarrassed about your meltdown. You just saved yourself some serious dough on shrink bills in the future.

14) Let that guy that has been harassing you take you out to dinner.  Then order the most expensive items on the menu.

15) Have sex in a public bathroom and the back of a car, but not on an airplane bathroom.  This is post 9/11.

16) Date two guys that are friends.  The order in which you date them is up to you.

17) Discontinue useless friendships.

18) Wear something that is so NOT you and will raise eyebrows and a possible write-up at work.

19) Have a drink before noon.

20) Spend a night in jail for a misdemeanor that has to do with any of the above.

If you are still reading this, better get cracking. You have 363 days to go!

Kids these days …

9 Sep

I am an enthusiastic couponer.  I love getting deals.  In fact, my new motto is, “never buy anything at full price.”  So imagine my displeasure when I printed off a coupon for a $10 off any purchase over $25 at JC Penney (where I got sale items – three Worthington’s Knit Tops worth $30 on sale for $11.99 each).  With the deal I paid only $25 with the tops.

*reminds self to stop blabbering*

Anyhue, I gave a co-worker one of my coupons, which he used to buy five polo shirts for sale online for $5 each.  Just as I gave the coupon to my co-worker, one of his interns (a college freshman) started to laugh at me.  I was not amused.  I said, “you think clipping coupons is funny?”  He kept laughing so I said, “well, you are still in college so enjoy yourself while you can.”

He asked, “What do you mean?”

I said, “Well, right now all you have to worry about is writing papers, attending classes and getting drunk on weekends.  After you graduate, you will have to face the real world, get an entry-level job with entry-level pay, buy a car, get insurance, buy gas, groceries, internet service, pay rent, get health and dental insurance, overpriced cable, electricity…”

By this time, he is no longer laughing and his pearly white teeth is slowly fading from view

“…maybe water and sewage, cellphone, get and maintain good credit, pay for your own clothes … “

I noticed that he was beginning to look really, really worried, then I decided to go for the kill.

“…and this is all before you get married … and don’t get me started on dating and wedding expenses…but anyhue…you get married and start having children, now pay for their feeding, clothing, health care costs, save for their college and your retirement… by which then…” I pause dramatically, “coupons will begin to look very attractive to you.”

I patted him on his shoulder and walked away with a smug smile.  Someone learned something that day.

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