Hilarity of Being Pregnant

19 Jun

Ginger sent me a thoughtful email a while ago.  It made me feel so thankful to have people in my life that care about me, even people I have never met.  It also made me realize that I have worried a lot of people with my pregnancy angst.  Yes, it has not been easy.  But it has not been all bad either.  I just chose to focus on the negatives rather than the possibilities.

Believe it or not, pregnancy can have some humorous upsides.  For instance, when else can I get away with farting any time I damn well please?  Oh sorry, if you were not aware of this, pregnancy twists your digestive system in so many ways.  Constipation, hemorrhoids and farting is now the new normal.  This is why you marry someone who loves you to bits and still thinks your farting ass is sexy.

Sex becomes an adventure in creativity.  I am thankfully not a big pregnant woman.  I don’t know how that worked out for me because I have always thought I would end up like my mother.  Skinny as a child and expansive as an adult, but so far I have only gained 14 pounds.  This would worry me if not that my doctor told me she only wants me to gain 20 so I have 6 pounds to go.  Where was I?  Ah, yes.  Sex.  Trying to figure out what goes where when there is a bulbous item in the way can be hilarious if both of you were not so focused on getting busy.  We manage to get it done.

You get to cut in line.  People will bend over backwards once they see your poor weezy waddly figure in line.  Take it when you get the chance. People also stay away from you any way they can to give you room.  No one wants to accidentally bump into a pregnant woman.  I even had a colleague who was terrified to give me a ride.

The smallest ouch of discomfort creates panic.  I work with an all-male team and they never cease to amaze me with how clueless men are.  I honestly believe they are making this pregnancy worth it with their endless questions and wide-eyed curiosity.  Sometimes, just to freak them out, I show them my belly when the baby moves.  Soooo worth it…lol.

You become a Buddha.  Yes, beware the belly rubbers.  I have only been subjected to one stranger rubbing my belly but she was an elderly Hispanic lady so I was okay with it.  I would be freaked out if a young man or woman touches my belly just because I am not sure of their intentions.  Senior citizens somehow get a pass on the belly rubbing.  I think my scary afro makes rubbers think twice before rubbing my belly.  I do get a lot of “when are you due?” questions followed by, “Labor day???  Ha ha ha ha! *giggle-giggle-cackle-cackle*”  Yes.  God has a sense of humor.

No one judges you when you eat like a glutton.  Turtle was so tickled when I ordered him to stop at a random Chick-fi-A and then ordered a spicy chicken wrap and a small ice cream cone.  I ate both at the same time, taking alternate bites.  He took a picture.  I was not amused.  He seems to love the gluttonous me, especially when I wolf down a hot dog in three bites.  I never knew that was even possible.

You can sleep and laze around as much as you want and no one thinks anything about it.  At work, I spend most of my time at my desk, with my feet up.  The bigger I get, the more I am left alone.  At home, the recliner is now my domain.  I get dibs on any space I want.  Call me Queen LL.

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That’s all folks!  I am 29 weeks and counting.  The final stretch never looked so good!

 

 

5 Responses to “Hilarity of Being Pregnant”

  1. Ginger June 20, 2013 at 7:42 pm #

    If that was meant to make me laugh and less worried? it worked. The visual of ice cream and spicy chicken wrap is weirding me out. Don’t give my brain future pregnancy ideas lol. i thought udara was the only acceptable craving and Ice cream.
    Do they buy you food too? This preggie lady at work got this ginormous ice cream cone yesterday lunch time. *green*

    Yay, 10wks to go!!

  2. Vera Ezimora June 21, 2013 at 12:54 am #

    I already do all these things you do (I mean lazying around and having first dibs spots) and I am not even pregnant. Imagine me pregnant. Haaaaa!

  3. Amy June 21, 2013 at 6:27 pm #

    Glad to hear you are coping with pregnancy with humor! Good thing we both have awesome and very patient husbands who will put up with our hormonal craziness during pregnancy and beyond. 10 more weeks and the little one will give you tons more things to find humor in :)

  4. lohiog June 23, 2013 at 10:11 am #

    Awww ok good to know its not all bad! I am so scared for the amount of food I would eat!!!

  5. Mamuje July 1, 2013 at 8:16 am #

    I wish you all the best dear. Take it easy and breath. Not long to go now.

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