I know why WE don’t do this…

8 Sep

As some of you might have figured out that I am dating an Oyinbo (white) guy.  We are nearing our one-year anniversary and we have not yet killed each other.  So far so good.  The one thing I discovered about CavingOyinbo people is that are very outdoorsy.  They like to do all kinds of dangerous things.  Bungee-jumping, roller-derby, sky diving and all that we-re (crazy)nonsense.  I keep telling him that it is not immigration that is reducing the number of whites in America.  It is all this Darwin Award bullsh*t that is making them extinct.  See them killing themselves off and blaming Mexicans.  Shio.

Anyhue, so last weekend we decided to do some outdoorsy stuff.  The spelunking was my idea but kayaking I was not so sure about. I only agreed to go because I did not want to be labeled a sissy.  For those of you that don’t know what Spelunking is, it is cave exploration.  Hard core cavers use ropes and all other gear to go cave diving.  We stuck to the simple stuff and just spent two hours crawling on muddy ground on our hands and knees in spaces the size of the cabinet under your kitchen sink.  It was scary – considering you were underneath tons of rock that for only God’s grace may choose to collapse at the moment you decide to be all outdoorsy.  All in all its fun besides the fact that your face is really close to a stranger’s butt (we all crawl in a single file through the cave), and also you are constantly in danger of being kicked in the face or slipping two to three feet down a hole or losing the group you came with and being stuck in perpetual darkness or realizing that the movie ‘The Descent’ is based on a true story and that there are cave creatures that are waiting to eat you…..kayaking

Okay, it would be a lie if I tell you that I did not enjoy kayaking.  Walahi talahi it was fun.  Of course I ended up being stuck a few times on the banks of the Cartecay river in northern Georgia but I figured out how to keep my kayak straight and after the first 30 minutes – like a typical naija person I was being loud and trash-talking my friends.  I think I just finished yelling “I am the master of the kayak!” when I took my first spill coming off a rapid.  It was not my fault.  The rock got in the way.  I lost my kayak, my paddle and one flip flop.  And hit my left butt cheek on that same stupid rock.  Thank God for life vests.  Una know say naija person no fit swim. 

Anyway I am posting this so you guys can decide where you want to file this: please only check one

a)      Things I will try – maybe.

b)      Things that others should try so I can have a good laugh

c)      Enh?  You wan make I she-kpe for you? (non-naija translation: Do you want me to place a curse on you?)


9 Responses to “I know why WE don’t do this…”

  1. webround September 8, 2009 at 10:23 pm #

    spelunking – that one na big grammar but Igbo people go to Ogbunike cave, and na real cave be that oh..

    haven’t tried kayaking – have tried surfing and went jet skiing. i loved jet skiing..

  2. Vera Ezimora September 9, 2009 at 1:44 pm #


    I went kayaking before. It was with Mr. Shoes, his brother, his brother’s wife, and his brother’s wife’s friend. Me sef, I’ve been looking @ that Mr. Shoes & his family one kind, one kind. They’re not 100% Naija people. LOL. Imagine loving kayaking and all that ooo. Anyway, we went kayaking sha… and remaining small thing oh make I fall inside this big water. I ought to blog about it some day sef …

  3. Good Naija Girl September 9, 2009 at 1:48 pm #

    lol you get an A for effort!

    I have no desire to go spelunking…in fact you made me want to try it less! I thought you could walk upright and check out stalagmites or stalactites or something? Maybe I made that up; clearly I have no idea what spelunking is.

    But kayaking…I’d try that. But first I’d need a guarantee that the water is not too deep. I love the water but I cannot swim!

  4. Langa September 10, 2009 at 11:03 am #

    spelunking…hmmm m so not that adventurous in the dark crawling underneath rocks and all, yep thats some white folks stuff.

    I have gone kayaking before and had a great time!

  5. Original Mgbeke September 13, 2009 at 2:51 am #

    LOL, very funny post. I actually haven’t tried any of the above sha o. And I claim to be adventurous ke? I would love to go Kayaking…I don’t know about Jet skiing sha o.

  6. Rosie September 15, 2009 at 9:51 am #

    Webround: jetskiing? You are really adventurous!

    Vera: you have to make peace with their style of enjoyment, afterall you will soon be Mrs Shoes.

    Good naija girl: the thing is that you will be so focused on getting from point A to B that you wont notice the confining nature of the caves after a while. And yes – you know what spelunking is … you must have been a efico in school – knowing what stalagmites and stalawhachamacalit….are.

    Langa: I am glad I you did enjoy it.

    Mgbeke: you and me both about Jetskiing. Something about going on top speed on top or a ‘water bike’ is scary.

  7. tiana September 23, 2009 at 11:19 am #

    WOW! I am so impressed and entertained by your blog. Your writing is stellar as you may know. I am hear every day from now on thank you very much. I saw your link from Good Naija girl and decided to stop by. I am not disappointed, you have a fan in me fora s long as you keep blogging.

    Thank you.

    • Rosie September 29, 2009 at 4:30 pm #

      Thanks Tiana. I will do my best to keep my posts fresh!

  8. tiana September 23, 2009 at 11:22 am #

    LOL and it is true that most black people aren’t outside enjoying nature. It’s not that we don’t want to, it’s just not the first thing that comes to our minds. I grew up around nature in Portland, Jamaican andi’m outdoors every chance i get. Sky diving, canoeing (even though i can’t swim) eeeek. I like this guy you’re dating, lol good narrative.

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