Nigerian in America (part 2)

25 Sep

We tend to break up our social groups in two.  There is the American group and there is the Diaspora group.  With our American friends, going out is quite simple.  If you want to dine out with your Couples diningspouse or significant other or friend, you two will probably call another American couple make it a four-some and go to Apple Bees or Chili’s or Olive Garden.  You eat, drink and chat and afterwards you split the bill and go home – all within two hours. Simple enough abi?   Now let’s switch to the Diaspora group.  For the sake of examplification (Zebrudaya I thank you for your ejumacation) I will make the group Nigerians. 

Say you want to have a nice dinner out with a friend – you call that friend (let’s say his name is John) and make plans. So imagine your surprise when your nice dinner for two becomes a party of nine. You are likely to be slightly irritated because John called Nneka who called Bolaji who called Tayo who called Bose who called Emeka who called Chinedu, and because Jennifer and Salau were already at his house, they came along too.

The size of your dining party is only the minor irritation.  The major headache is that when you go to pick up John, he tells you that you have to go pick up Nneka.  When you go pick up Nneka, she will inform you that Bolaji too needs a ride.  When you get to Bolaji’s house, Bose and Emeka are waiting.  So, all six of you squeeze into your small 1998 Toyota Corolla.  Luckily for you, Chinedu Jennifer and Salau arrived in another car.  After your cab duty, you suck up your annoyance and eat and drink and merry with your companions who in real life are really just acquaintances.  You only probably met three of them at the club last weekend.  But that is okay, you are all Nigerians in America and hence brethren.  Until the bill arrives, then you notice it has been placed squarely in front of you. If you are a man, you will likely want to impress the women and instead of snapping your fingers and saying, “oya make una contribute money now now!”  You whip out our credit card, cross your fingers and hope you are not over your limit.  You silently swear at your friend John for his big mouth and small wallet and vow that next time, you will only go out with your boring American friends.restaurant-check

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2 Responses to “Nigerian in America (part 2)”

  1. Emeka September 25, 2009 at 5:47 pm #

    lol…. very much on point except for the annoyance part… for some reason never found it annoying (the extra crowd that is – unless two ladies you are gaming are a part of that unplanned crowd)… …but thinking about it, i guess its cos that initial naija guy called John would probably roll the same way I roll since I call him a friend… and that would invariably extend to his own “friends” …which is another lesson: for us to chew a little bit, savour the “taste” before we put the label “friend” on any of the folks we run into and hang out with….

    throwing a little more light, my friends still remain the type that I kept in the uni days who are totally comfortable in “picking up” or “pitching in”… ….my position on hanging-out and later dissecting a bill to identify EXACTLY what one consumed and paying for it is : o boy/girl, you for siddon for your house chop and drink or you for siddon for another table alone and maintain communication(if neccessary) with us over the phone!!!

    • Rosie September 29, 2009 at 4:40 pm #

      you are so funny. I know of guys that ‘pitch’ and later behind closed doors curse out their friends for inviting them out and not paying. It’s a hard knock life in the USA.

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