Just be your ‘multiple’ self

15 Jan

We are fond of telling others, “just be yourself.”  Or as many bloggers like to say, “just do you.” 

Typically it is good advice but one requires a  thick skin to accomplish the selfness.  For instance – my persona – which has been described as odd (‘crazy’ is a better term) differs depending on who I am with.   I like to have a good time like everyone else but I can also be reckless.  Maybe because my good times are so few and far between that when I get a good happy high, I chase it until it borders on over exuberance.  I am the one that dances with everyone at a wedding or a party…with the help of a few glasses of wine of course – I am not that bold.  I am the one that strikes up a conversation on current issues with total strangers.  I am not afraid to say what I mean and mean what I say.  I am not afraid to get in your face when you get out of line.  Being tactful is something I continue to learn. That’s me on the outside. On the inside – I am compassionate to fault.  I tend to carry other people’s problems when it is not mine to carry.  I am overly emotional, so I hide it from others, giving me a certain hardness  – quite the opposite of what I am inside.  Because of this, I avoid any display emotion – especially anger or weakness.  That has been a recent development that is a result of being burned one too many times by ‘friends.’  I hate to cry in public.  In fact, I hardly cry in public.  For a long time the only place I allowed myself to cry is in the shower because when my tears mix with the water, I can pretend they are not there. 

Being yourself all the time – I think – is a double edged sword.  I am described as mysterious at work.  I refuse to friend co-workers and subordinates on facebook.  I block them from following me on twitter.  They don’t read my blog.  I have a no-nonsense attitude with close friends.  I make them earn my trust…it takes a while but those that survive that, are the ones that remain my friends. 

Maybe my multiple personality selfness is a survival mechanism…sort of like the suburban housewife who is a stripper at night or the school teacher who is a double agent on her days off or like Beyonce becomes Sasha Fierce on stage. I am a different person at work, with family, at home and with different groups…like naija people, the AAs and the oyinbos.  I am capable of consciously shutting down one side of me just so I can ease into group dynamics.  I have gotten ahead and done better with people when I do this.  And truthfully, I worry I am losing my real self in the process.

Just felt like a little therapeutic post today.


13 Responses to “Just be your ‘multiple’ self”

  1. taynement January 15, 2010 at 12:46 pm #

    I think most people struggle with this, I know I do. You can only do the best you can. In my case, I am hoping as I get older, things will become easier or make more sense, but I am beginning to realize that that may not be the case.

  2. Azazel January 15, 2010 at 9:17 pm #

    Damn Taynement why u fast like this.
    I agree I think most ppl struggle with this as well.
    Just do you and if doing you means ur a psychopath..
    More grease to your elbow.

  3. Azazel January 15, 2010 at 9:18 pm #

    Huh @ ur comment htingy?
    I write this whole huge comment and it then tells me that the comment has already been duplicated..
    Duplicated by what or who???

  4. Nice Anon January 16, 2010 at 3:44 pm #

    The hardest thing I think for any human being is to be themselves. And the hardest for another is to totally accept you the way you are. If a lot of people did then we’d all get along better.

    Sometimes in social and unknown settings then it is alright to sort play things by the ear and see how it goes.

  5. Caramel Delight January 18, 2010 at 8:16 am #

    It is a survival technique that’s all. We all do it to some extent. You shouldn’t lose yourself though ….

  6. Original Mgbeke January 18, 2010 at 3:12 pm #

    You are in my head, I was totally gonna blog about this. Pretty interesting stuff all in all…hmm I to am guilty of exposing different facets of my personality to different groups, but I don’t think that I am losing the real me in the process though.

  7. Helene January 18, 2010 at 8:52 pm #

    I think a lot of us do that to protect ourselves, kind of like a defense mechanism.

    It’s good to ponder deep thoughts like this from time to time!

  8. solomonsydelle January 19, 2010 at 10:40 am #

    That’s just the way things are, right? We are loud with one person, calm with another. I suffer from multiple-self syndrome myself, and I like it =)

    Nice post!

  9. Andrea January 19, 2010 at 12:34 pm #

    I agree with helene.

  10. lucidlilith January 19, 2010 at 3:29 pm #

    Guys- I feel so much better after reading your responses. I really struggle between changing my personality just so someone could like me more and just being myself and saying eff it – I don’t have time for this crap. He he he…this is quite interesting.

  11. Vera Ezimora January 20, 2010 at 4:59 pm #

    I guess the question now is, who, then is Rosie? And who, for goodness sake, is Lucid Lilith???

  12. bazinga20 August 25, 2010 at 7:07 pm #

    Hey Lucid, well girl i must say that i can completely empithize with you because changing personalties is something ive been doing practically all my life. Yes its an acceptance thing, u jus want ppl to like u so u kind of adjust with according to the crowd….its a terrible place to be if u ask me. Its time that u went through a journey to discover urself and not give a crap whether people like you or not. the truth is lucid is lucid, and if they arnt ok with it then move on, you will find ppl who will love u for u, and they will be upset to lose u as a friend. You sound like a pretty cool chick, as least you’ve identifide this now because ppl go about their whole lives being someone that they arn’t. i hope this has helped, sori for dragging it on….you take care sweetie

  13. jane dough March 3, 2011 at 6:38 pm #

    that story has nothing to do with beyounce she is controlled by the music industry. they tell her to make a alter -ego she is clearly dressed in the most satanic outfit i have every seen there is a fuckin goat head on her stomach and chest.

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