16 Mar


I am so pissed!

Have you ever had the sense that you helped put up a tent by fetching tools to dig the ground, running errands, doing all in your power to help out and generally helping out but when the tent is up, you are kicked out to sleep outside  by yourself?

Well.  That is how I feel at right now!

I hate group collaborations.   I hate know-it-all group members who dominate a conversation and make it look like they wrote that entire paper or completed an entire project by themselves. I hate that I don’t speak up enough because I don’t want to be the angry black chic.  I hate that I fantasize about beating one individual to a bloody pulp ALL the time.  I hate feeling mean and being upset.

T Only self preservation keeps me from walking around and giving everyone the middle finger.

This is not the first time.  I have had this problem when I help generate ideas but don’t get credit.  Is this a pattern?  Am I a pushover?  Am I not assertive enough when it comes to dealing with big or small groups of people?  For example, in my last job there was this one chick that was notorious for taking credit for other people’s work.  ALL the time.  Is it any surprise that she is the only one still working at this place while the rest of us ‘ mugus’ (dummys) have been left flapping in the wind.

Ooooooh, I am so pissed.  I can’t even type anymore.



32 Responses to “Vent”

  1. Mamuje March 16, 2010 at 9:40 am #

    Oh dear, chin up it will get better with time. Cheers.

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:28 am #

      thanks for the kind words.

  2. Caramel Delight March 16, 2010 at 10:04 am #

    If you are normal quiet, you have to be a bit loud in the office. The same thing happened to me, luckily I also had a line manager who has my back. What about you? Who is your line manager (direct supervisor)? Or do you have a mentor or senior colleague? Pick someone’s brain who has been in the organisation a bit longer than you. Then we help you figure out how the place ticks and how to play the game.

    Sorry oh, I know work can be quite ruthless. Hang in there and no AK-47s, OK?

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:27 am #

      LOL. No AKs I promise. The storm has passed.

  3. Adanne March 16, 2010 at 10:10 am #

    I am right there with you and I have started a reading list to help me address this problem, my future paychecks MUST not suffer. Join me!
    * Career related books – Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office.
    * Productivity and success books – The War of Art, Steven Pressfield
    * Being articulate: Secrets to Winning at Office Politics: How to Achieve Your Goals and Increase Your Influence at Work by Marie G. McIntyre;
    The 12 Bad Habits That Hold Good People Back: Overcoming the Behavior Patterns That Keep You From Getting Ahea;d by Timothy Butler;
    The Hard Truth About Soft Skills: Workplace Lessons Smart People Wish They’d Learned Sooner by Peggy Klaus

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:27 am #

      Thanks dear. I was able to find three of the five above from the local library. I will be sure to read those.

  4. naija mom abroad March 16, 2010 at 10:36 am #

    sorry dear. I can feel you. That’s corporate America for you. Seriously, you have to be more assertive. It’s not about trying to not be the mean black girl. You have to say your piece (in a cool way), but the thing is you HAVE to say it. If you keep letting things pass, they’ll assume you’re weak and keep messing with you.

    Pele o!

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:29 am #

      I dealt with it in my own passive aggressive way. I kept everyone on pins and needles cus they could tell I was pissed. But all’s good now. I hope it does not happen again. If it does, I will speak up.

  5. joicee March 16, 2010 at 11:35 am #

    you have to be more assertive o…abeit in a calm just need one ocasion to show the people around that you are not a pushover, every other person will take heed …trust me

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:31 am #

      Thanks…but it is more complicated than that….i am actually not a push over …far from it. But whenever I am placed in groups, i just crumble and falter. I have to actually be a BITCH to be heard above all the rumble.

  6. solomonsydelle March 16, 2010 at 12:04 pm #

    sorry you are in this situation. But, if you can forgive my forwardness, you must not let it happen again, if not you could end up making this same complaint over and over, you know?

    Approach the person you have an issue with. Tell them what you do not appreciate and that in the future you expect whatever it is you need from them. If they fail to comply, well there are always ways of dealing with people.

    Now that I’ve gotten the seriousness out of the way, oya #rebukit! rebuke anyone and anything that stands in your way to achieving what you want. lol! (Don’t get it? Sorry, here’s the background. I couldn’t help myself, lol!)

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 1:48 pm #

      LOL! i remember ur rebuke it post.
      I must say…i dealt with it in a passive aggressive way that was just as effective. i let them know that they were wrong without actually saying a word. am not a fan of being passive aggressive but in this case, it was better than what i felt like doing! If it happens again, I will definitely say some strong words.

  7. taynement March 16, 2010 at 12:11 pm #

    Sorry LL, that can be quite frustrating. I used to worry about being the angry black girl but in this country, screw that! You have to speak up and let them know that they can’t play you. You don’t have to be rude about it, just say what you feel and believe in it, even if you don’t say it assertively as best as you can and hope for the best. Feel better luv.

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:32 am #

      The situation is a bit thorny. They are not bad as a group but i think they know they made a mistake by not including everyone as responsible for the momentous project…just the one person that SPEARHEADED it.

  8. Myne Whitman March 17, 2010 at 1:05 am #

    Now that you got it all off your chest, I hope you feel better? But really, you do need to speak with the people involved.

    • lucidlilith March 17, 2010 at 11:32 am #

      I feel a lot better …. and I will explain in my next post…lol

  9. Helene March 17, 2010 at 2:37 pm #

    That downright sucks and it’s so not fair! In a way, it’s a compliment that they love your ideas enough to pass them off on their own but it’s just plain wrong!

    • lucidlilith March 18, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

      …if they paid me more money and kept their compliment, boy would I be happy!

  10. Azazel March 17, 2010 at 6:35 pm #

    I feel u somuch on this mehn, can u imagine the same thing use to happen to me when I was in HS but as soon as I land college my mentality changed straight… now I make a conscious effort to make my opinion be known in group collaborations.

    • lucidlilith March 18, 2010 at 1:45 pm #

      You know…my professor told me that women and minorities are the least listened to in a group setting.

  11. Lady X March 18, 2010 at 2:28 am #

    I hate people that take credit for stuff and people that are over competitive. It’s ok to be competitive but you don’t have to overdo it or walk over other people. How dare they!

    • lucidlilith March 18, 2010 at 1:46 pm #

      Thanks for your support. I feel this blog has really helped me get over this issue faster than I thought.

  12. LovePaprika March 18, 2010 at 3:49 am #

    sowee darling…

    I suggest u buckle up and kick some a** by being very ‘more’ assertive!!!

    • lucidlilith March 18, 2010 at 1:44 pm #

      lol….i dont know if asskicking will go over well in corporate america.

  13. L.P. March 18, 2010 at 11:51 am #

    I hate that I don’t speak up enough because I don’t want to be the angry black chic.

    Lillith, don’t let a stereotype increase your blood pressure. It’

    Make yourself heard in a calm and concise way whenever it’s needed. Easier said than done, but since you already know the culprits be proactive about it. When a project comes up, document everything and add the right person onto the emails. I never discuss things solely by mouth. After we talk about it, I send an email to all the interesting parties mentioning “Like I have suggested and we agreed…” and so on and so forth.

    I had that convo with fellow African women. We are raised to shut up basically, and the few of us who are assertive have a hard time growing up… This often shows up in our work as well, especially in an American culture that is all about “I did,” and “Me, this”…

    Think of it this way, nobody will give credit to you if you are not even able to give credit to yourself.

    Hang in there, but please, please SPEAK UP! It’s worth being labeled the angry black chick.

    (which incidentally I have never been called… to my face, but trust me that I speak up when it’s necessary.)

    • lucidlilith March 18, 2010 at 1:47 pm #

      Wow. I never looked at it that way. I think I will take your advice on keeping track of correspondence…and copying those that need to be in the loop.

  14. pinksatin March 18, 2010 at 1:08 pm #

    men i can relate….i felt the same way with team work in school…i noticed that the most vocal ones and the ITKs during the team presentation were usually the ones who did the least one…and guess what the professors always bought it! You need to SPEAK up so the idiots know that next time you wont take it lying down

    • lucidlilith March 18, 2010 at 1:48 pm #

      You are so right! At this moment, I am in a group in school with this fella I could not stand. I finally told him that he pissed me off with his attitude and he apologized. He has not stepped on my toes since.

  15. pinksatin March 18, 2010 at 1:09 pm #

    i meant “who did the least work”

  16. justjoxy March 19, 2010 at 8:51 am #

    You know what, try to speak up more. It may be difficult at first since you’re not used to doing it, but with practice, it’ll get easier. So what if you’re known as the angry black chick? At least they’ll know not to mess with you. L.P made a good point, that’s the way forward. Document everything. Glad things are better now, but please try to be more assertive.

  17. Emeka March 19, 2010 at 3:28 pm #

    lol… …my dear easy with the lines that have been dropped here… although all in good faith but I hate to see you falling into the pitiful scene that I always witness with a chuckle… folks talking during meets for the sole reason of ehibiting that assertion that seems to be bandied around as way-to-go in the office world.

    #1 ensure you DO deliver
    #2 do a LOT of listening and chewing on the words of them quick to the race assertive folks
    #3 if them words in #2 are in line with your thoughts and of value to the objective, then let it be – head back to work and go do your thing – DELIVER
    #4 if them words in #2 are not in line, then wrap up…note wrap up the discuss and marshal out you views
    #5 in office dramas/politicking, be aware of the battles …do not neccessarily get involved in them, infact if you can, steer clear… but keep your eyes on the war

  18. GoodNaijaGirl March 22, 2010 at 4:25 pm #

    A colleague of mine made the same suggestion that L.P. did: keep a paper trail of your contributions and work. In my current workplace, during our performance evaluations we’re encouraged to share things that we did in the background or that might have gone unnoticed by our supervisors. This is where that paper trail comes in handy. And also, if you express yourself calmly and rationally as I know you would, no one is going to stereotype you. You deserve to get credit for your hard work.

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