How much….

24 Mar

…do we really change?

I took a walk down memory lane this week… sifted through old letters from good friends and acquaintances… went through old photographs…I laughed a lot… I gasped a lot… because some things really shocked jogged my memory…

Yet –  I was amazed how much I had changed.  And how much I had not really changed.  Isn’t it strange how some parts of you remain constant, while everything else (especially physical attributes) slowly morph into another version of you?

Some things I learned from old lettes and photos and keepsakes:

I was quite skinny years ago. Like, a rake. No hips, no boobs, no curves. At least by African standards. I think Kate Moss would disagree with me.  In fact one co-worker described me as “svelt.”  I think an occasional sandwich would have been beneficial to me back then. And no, I will not be putting up ‘AFTER’ photos.  I am a good 20 pounds heavier now.

I was kinda cute in a simple innocent way. And I had almost flawless facial skin. *sob*

My hair was long…past shoulder length…thick…full and all mine. *sob* nnnwwaaaaaaaaaaah!

Remember my 10 Things post about being a germaphobe?  Well, it turns out that I had always been a neatness freak. I just did not know it. I mean, my SS3 (high school senior year) teacher wrote to me in 1998 and said in BOLD and UNDERLINED words… and I quote: “you are one of the neatest people I have ever come across.” Come to think of it, I think I remember winning ‘neatest girl,’ award in high school. It is weird that I hardly remember that …and that I just don’t see myself as neat.  There is always an item of clothing to be put away, or dirt to be swept, or mirror to be wiped down…

I had always had a mean tongue. My BFF wrote to me around the same time to and jist me of a really handsome muscular older neighbor whose nickname was “America,” but whom I always called, “all brawn and no brains.”  Just disrespectful for someone my age at that time.

I have always been competitive and ultra focused on life… and by life, I mean SCHOOL and WORK.  It’s like I sometimes forget to live life.  It felt so strange to see all those college honors and deans lists …I have to remember to not work as hard and to take a breath of fresh air ever so often. BTW- why am I not making more money??? On would think I would be on a fast track to running a company by now…oh well…after my MBA…we’ll see…

I have always been ‘crazy.’   My BFF also wrote about this new room mate she had that reminded everyone about me because she was just as “crazy” … so crazy that my ex-boyfriend stays clear away from her.   I really don’t see myself as crazy.  I know I speak my mind.  I know I take the road less travelled.  I know that I HATE conforming.  I know that I am deathly afraid of being average and being like everyone else.  Over the years, there has been variations of that term…crazy cool, crazy wild, weird crazy.  Even Turtle said I was the craziest girl he has ever dated.  Although I am not fond of being called crazy…I have learned to embrace it.  Afterall, only a mad man does not know he is mad, right?

In a way, I am glad I dug up all my old photos and letters.  Maybe I should take up scrapbooking and put everything into a nice happy bow-tied pictorial of my life so far.  But that would be sort of fake because there are are pretty nasty memories that I came across too. But nevertheless, its better to dwell on good times than bad times.

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12 Responses to “How much….”

  1. KG March 24, 2010 at 12:00 pm #

    *looks around* Am I really first?

    CAMOOOOO…I’m sorry, I couldn’t help myself…lol. I remember when those things were all the rage…lol. Good times.

    I love love love the part about the crazy. So funny. It is weird just how much parts of one change and other parts don’t or maybe just evolve a little bit.

    • lucidlilith March 26, 2010 at 9:20 am #

      LOL at Camo! Oh my those were the days…everybody wore camo.

  2. Mamuje March 24, 2010 at 5:40 pm #

    I did the same yesterday. I saw my old scrawny photos from Uni and I shrieked. In my case I probably added 40 pounds. 😦

    • lucidlilith March 26, 2010 at 9:21 am #

      He he he he….Shrieked is the right word. I am actually beginning to accept my curves.

  3. pinksatin March 24, 2010 at 6:21 pm #

    lol @ the camoflague skirt

    • lucidlilith March 26, 2010 at 9:22 am #

      make una leave me oh! I used to get the best dates in that skirt. *hiss*

  4. Lady X March 24, 2010 at 6:34 pm #

    I cringed a whole lot when I read my old diary from High School. I was like Oh my God! Was I actually like this! It felt like I was reading someone else’s diary.

    • lucidlilith March 26, 2010 at 9:23 am #

      Girl! Tell me about it…. a lot of things from back then was like fiction…really bad fiction.

  5. BBB March 25, 2010 at 2:59 am #

    when we look back,
    its always a shock on her far we’ve come, how much our minds have developed
    and thats a good thing

    • lucidlilith March 26, 2010 at 9:24 am #

      *sigh*
      I feel you. I have to look at it like a good thing. But it is also a reminder as to how much life has gone by isnt it?

  6. Myne Whitman March 26, 2010 at 1:57 am #

    I don’t think I’ve changed much, OK maybe added 10 pounds since high school but hey, I’m more than ten years older, lol. I think what comes across more is the emotional maturity and how some of my psyche has shifted. Make a scrapbook…

  7. lucidlilith March 26, 2010 at 9:24 am #

    Only 10 pounds? Oh come on! I dont by that!! LOL. That is not much in my book.

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