Battling Stereotypes

13 Sep

No, I can’t sing like members of Destiny’s child, Shontelle, Ciara or any other black female artistes out there.  I have a decent alto but that’s about it…don’t expect me to start belting out Amazing Grace in order to show off my vocal range.

No, I am not Venus or Serena Williams.  I like working out and being active but Tennis is not my thing.  In fact, I get quite winded on the tennis court.

No, booty-hopping is not my preferred method of shaking my thing.  I will do it once in a while, with adequate alcohol and dark lighting but I dream of ballroom dancing more than I dream of America’s Best Dance Crew.

No, I am not an angry black chic.  I am just having a bad day. 

No, I am not a baby mama. The child seats are for my nephew and niece from a legitimate marriage.

No, I am not married because I can’t find a man.  I am just a commitment-phobe.

No, I am not from a war-torn region of Africa.  I personally know no one that sits on a dirty sandy floor with flies flying around their hungry bloated faces and bellies.

No, I am not familiar with [insert name of obscure village on the African continent] where your daughter is travelling to this summer to build a [school/hospital/clinic/bridge].

No, I have never seen a [insert typical safari animal].  Actually, the first time I ever saw an elephant was last month at the Atlanta Zoo.

No, I don’t know the lyrics to Jay Z’s “on to the next one.”  I am not even a fan of that misogynistic SOB.

No, you can’t touch my hair. 

No, I typically don’t order a glass of Cristal at a club…I’m more of a Stella Artois chick or Becks or Heineken type of gal.

Yes.  I have been speaking English all my life, that’s why my accent is not “thick.”

No, Nigerians don’t execute their football players for losing a game.

Yes, I am an American citizen.  I have a passport and 12 years of W2s to prove it to you.

No, I don’t snap my fingers and do the neck twist when tryna make a point.  I will gesticulate wildly with my hands and raise my voice an octave, though.

No, I did not vote for Barack Obama because he is black.  I just can’t stand Sarah Palin.

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21 Responses to “Battling Stereotypes”

  1. Adanne September 13, 2010 at 5:18 pm #

    Yes. I have been speaking English all my life, that’s why my accent is not “thick.”

    LOL LOL LOL LOL
    I always give people a look that says exactly that when it’s brought up.

  2. Joxy September 13, 2010 at 5:42 pm #

    I feel you.

  3. Neefemi September 13, 2010 at 6:35 pm #

    Yep, i feel you

  4. lucidlilith September 13, 2010 at 7:35 pm #

    I found this while doing some research:

    “Heaven is where the police are English, the cooks are French, the mechanics are German, the lovers are Italian and everything is organized by the Swiss. Hell is where the police are German, the cooks are English, the mechanics are French, the lovers are Swiss, and everything is organized by the Italians.”

    I won’t lie. I laughed.

  5. taynement September 13, 2010 at 7:50 pm #

    This one is for fellow nigerians: NO I DID NOT CHANGE MY FIRST NAME WHEN I MOVED TO YANKEE. I DON’T WANT TO BE “AMERICANIZED AND ACCEPTED” AND GO TO FAR LENGTHS TO CHANGE MY NAME. XYZ IS MY REAL NAME. DON’T ASK FOR MY NAME AND WHEN I TELL YOU SAY “ABEG, WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME JO?” THAT SHIT GETS ON MY NERVES.

    *takes deep breath*

    is that even a stereotype?lol.

  6. Good Naija Girl September 14, 2010 at 1:00 am #

    Preach!

    My pet peeve is when I tell someone I’m from Nigeria they tell me that someone they know is in Africa. When I’m feeling kind, I will ask what country in Africa the person they know is in, but most of the time I just want to get away from them.

    • Nollywood Forever September 17, 2010 at 5:09 pm #

      I know that feels… Anytime I go to America… some fool will say something like… oh I have a cousin/friend/brother/anyrandom person in GERMANY/ITALY/UKRAINE(ANY OTHER RANDOM PLACE I HAVE NOT BEEN TO) Do you know him?

  7. Mamuje September 14, 2010 at 10:08 am #

    Oh dear, Oh dear… I love you so much right now Lucid. And Yes, I have been speaking English ALL my life.

  8. Mamuje September 14, 2010 at 10:09 am #

    I can’t stop laughing…

  9. histreasure September 14, 2010 at 11:04 am #

    feel you so much on this!

  10. EDJ September 15, 2010 at 10:24 am #

    I agree with everything you said EXCEPT the Jay-Z part. Why is he a misogynist?

    Lol, on a serious note though, I like the current version of Jay-Z that is married, has dinner with his wife all the time, runs a business, and still has time for the “little” people.

    • lucidlilith September 15, 2010 at 10:28 am #

      I was never a fan…but I got really pissed with his 99 problems lyrics, “If you’re havin’ girl problems i feel bad for you son
      I got 99 problems but a bitch ain’t one.”

      Really? nigga puhlez!

      • EDJ September 15, 2010 at 3:26 pm #

        Well I have very little argument for 99 Problems…lol. I choose to believe that he is just trying to sell records and unfortunately, at that time, misogyny sold records. So, in a twisted way its not really his fault now is it?!

        Sha i understand your point.

  11. Anoda Phase September 15, 2010 at 12:55 pm #

    Yes!

    Yes. I have been speaking English all my life, that’s why my accent is not “thick.”

    Love this…

  12. Helene September 16, 2010 at 1:40 pm #

    Love this post!!!! A friend of mine who’s Asian recently encountered someone who came up to her and said, “You remind me of that comedian Margaret Cho”. She was like, “Why? Because we’re both Asian?” The person didn’t know what to say…probalby had no clue how offensive the statement was in the first place!!!

  13. Ginger September 16, 2010 at 6:48 pm #

    lwkmd. African american women have given we ‘original mgbekes’ a bad name shaa (I know..I’m stereotyping too).

  14. mpb September 17, 2010 at 8:21 pm #

    -No I do not feel like cooking “African” food and bringing it to work for you to sample.

    -No I do not feel we have to bond in the hallway because we are both black. In Nigeria, we don’t talk to strangers.

    -No I do not find your speech about how you embrace “diversity” impressive

    -No I don’t get why you think adding “girl” at the end of statements to me is necessary when you don’t seem to do it to others e.g. “hey girl…did you try that new restaurant.

    -No, I am not impressed or falling over with gratitude that your neighborhood Kroger has an “international” aisle…

  15. Myne Whitman September 17, 2010 at 11:04 pm #

    You and MPB have killed me finish. LOL…

  16. kay9 September 20, 2010 at 4:13 am #

    @ “No, u can’t touch my hair” LOL…
    Me likey.

  17. Reverence September 22, 2010 at 1:04 pm #

    -No I do not feel we have to bond in the hallway because we are both black. In Nigeria, we don’t talk to strangers

    i love it!

  18. Ibhade October 7, 2010 at 4:00 pm #

    lol……this babe be don provoke sha!…..so no chance for Africa abi?…..only English, Germans,French, ……..hehehehee

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