Big Egos

26 Aug

I want to talk about egos.  Yesterday, Turtle told me I had a big ego.  There are a lot of reasons he came to that conclusion one being that I butt heads with some of his friends.  He says I am difficult to get along with.  I pick fights with his friends instead of letting things go blah blah blah.  Em.  Sorry dude.  Some of your friends are major league assholes and you let them get away with shit.  Case and point:

Yesterday, we were invited to a cookout that because one of his friends was in town.  I am not a big fan of this guy but I decided hey I happen to love his mother and wife so I would not mind having a nice evening out.  We got a text saying the cookout had been moved from one location to another on Wednesday.  The next day (yesterday) we came home from work (now remember we both have hour-long commutes) showered dressed and drove another 45 minutes to the house we were to have the cookout.  There was no one there.  We knocked and the owner of the home came out and told us that the friend had to fly out of town and texted everyone to cancel the cookout.  Everyone of course but us.  Now this guy is Turtle’s childhood friend.  They are tight.  Really close but sometimes he just rubs me the wrong way.

On our way home, I looked at Turtle and said, “Wow.  This takes the cake.” I told Turtle that if the guy did not text to apologize for his snafu, I would call him out on Facebook.  Or worse, call his wife and mom.

Turtle wanted me to let it go but I insisted that he had 24 hours before I unleashed my discontent.  So that was where the ego part comment came in.  Well that and other issues regarding other people I am not big fans of. There are more ego stories but this post is already getting too long.

So, what is an ego?  How do we know someone has a big ego?  Well for one we all agree that Kanye “I am misunderstood” West has a major major ego problem.  Yes, he is talented so I hear but he has done so many things that really fall in the category of “douche bag.”  Ego?  I kinda see drive and not letting anyone lock him in a pidgeon hole or tell him what or who he should be as an artist.  Douche bag?  Yes.

So what is ego? Let us to a source that is the next best thing to Google.  The online dictionary.


1. the “I” or self of any person; a person as thinking, feeling, and willing, and distinguishing itself from the selves of others and from objects of its thought.

2. Psychoanalysis . the part of the psychic apparatus that experiences and reacts to the outside world and thus mediates between the primitive drives of the id and the demands of the social and physical environment.

3. egotism; conceit; self-importance: Her ego becomes more unbearable each day.

4. self-esteem or self-image; feelings: Your criticism wounded his ego.

5. ( often initial capital letter ) Philosophy .

a. the enduring and conscious element that knows experience.

b. Scholasticism . the complete person comprising both body and soul.

Alright, so based on the description, ego has really gotten a bad rap.  As lay humans we believe having a big ego is really all about description number 3: self-importance.  Yet, isn’t that a good thing?  Don’t we all want to have a really good sense of self-importance?  Isn’t that the super highway to self-esteem?

IMO having a low self-esteem or self-deprecating attitude is totally unsexy and unflattering.  Celebrate your accomplishments and your smarts and all things good about you.  You don’t need to put yourself down.  Others will do it for you.  That is why it is important to feel important to yourself.  You matter.  Don’t let anyone else tell you any less.

Ego in my opinion is not the same as being an asshole yet people take those terms and use them interchangeably.  Having an ego should come with a good dose of civility.  Treat others as you want to be treated.  Yet, don’t let anyone give you any crap.  I sometimes thank my Nigerian-ness for helping me develop a good sense of self.  You know, we don’t take crap from anyone.  Yes, we are labeled arrogant.  We like swagger and we believe we were created to lead in this world.  Sounds like being an American doesn’t it?

I laughed when Turtle said I had a big ego and I needed to know my place.   I said to him, “my place is exactly what I say it is.  You want to stay wherever others put you, that’s your problem.”

What do you think?



7 Responses to “Big Egos”

  1. Tee August 26, 2011 at 11:18 am #

    I think what turtle’s friend did was all sorts of wrong and your reaction is totally justified as long as it was a diplomatic sort of reaction. if however the dude has been taking the piss then by all means he should be put in his place…Nonsense!

    The rest of the ego thing went over my head but I don’t think expecting a certain standard or better standard of behavior from people that you will give without batting an eyelid isn’t too much to ask.

    Take it easy hun…x

  2. coolprincee August 28, 2011 at 2:23 am #

    IMO- Your wanting Turtle’s friend to call and apologise is not really an ego tin, it’s more of a Woman tin, or rather a ‘Woman with an ego’ tin 😀
    whats with women & apologies by the way? They just want to admit u’re wrong even when u’re wrong. It seems wrong admittance & apologies fuels their egos
    *shaking head*
    *walking away*

  3. Ibhade August 28, 2011 at 4:53 pm #

    He ought to apologize….your RIGHT!

    It’s not ego-tripping at all…just simple courtesy.

    Every human has a measure of EGO…..the question is HOW MUCH of it?

    when it becomes clear that the person is just concerned about I, ME & MYSELF…then there is a problem!

  4. Myne Whitman August 29, 2011 at 2:43 pm #

    I insist that being proud and having an ego are necessary for good esteem. To be sure, one should not take them to extreme and become like you said, “a douche bag”. The opposite is that you become too self-deprecatory, people will grind you underfoot, and even more scary, you’ll accept it. *shivers*

  5. lovelife4sale August 29, 2011 at 9:23 pm #

    Big Ego…. i watched a movie about Egos, but it was all action, the name is Revolver…. it was a gritty, visually striking and artfully directed movie. the Summary at the end of the movie was that Egos are actually enemies of society and ourselves, that our Egos create enemies so that our subconcious wouldnt rule It (the Ego) as the Enemy….. So Basically, our feelings of being hurt and slighted come from an insecure part of us called our Ego and the sooner we learn to quiet down our Egos, the faster we would all as a society be able to progress and move on. Egos drive people to war, Egos drive people to undeserved Entitlements.
    ok, im starting to feel like im blabbing…. but it was an interesting post….

  6. Mamuje September 2, 2011 at 8:35 am #

    I don’t think you have an ego problem at all. I would not let it go. Dude has to apologize. Humility isn’t stupidity.

  7. Ginger September 2, 2011 at 10:35 am #

    I understand where you are coming from(the Naija bit)..and while I will not call it ego of course hmmmm in matters of men and their friends (Nigerian or otherwise), I have learnt to understand that their code of practice is different. Mars, Venus and all that jazz…..

    Turtle obviously didnt think much about the long drive and all, and if he met his friend would probably give him a big slap on the back or take back his gas money… The thing of course is, he is not dealing with Turtle alone anymore, somebody else is involved: YOU. So somethings need to change. I do hope he apologised.

    p.s. but hey…..facebook wasn’t a nice threat!!

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