Taynement’s To-do List

12 Sep

I am so bummed out that I missed Taynement’s birthday.  She just turned 29.  This will be the very last year she will be a twenty-something.  So I figured the next best thing I could do is to give her some old people advice.  Yes, I am an old woman.  At least by naija standards (or so my mom and aunt tell me).

Tayne, in honor of your buffday, I have made a list of things for you to do before you turn 30:

1) Call in sick to work and take yourself shopping, watch a matinee and eat copious amounts of your favorite ice cream in an outdoor cafe.

2) Max out your credit card for no reason.  Buy your self an entire wardrobe if you want but max out one card because next year, you will have to start being “responsible.”

3) Get drunk at a bar/night club and dance on a table.

4) Get kicked out or a bar.

[side bar] you don’t have to do number 4 and number 5 on the same night.  Pace yourself girl.[/sidebar]

5) Drive really really fast.

6) Get in a fist fight.

7) Have a one night stand.

8)  Do NOT date your one night stand.

9) Show up to work still drunk from the night before.  Tell everyone you caught a bug.  No one will know the difference.

10) Stalk your crush and steal an item of clothing that belongs to him, preferably a shirt.  Sniff it when you dream of him as your baby daddy.

11) Cry like a baby when that guy that you had dinner with did not call.  And you really really liked him.

12) When you feel like things are going really bad and you feel overwhelmed, allow yourself to have a meltdown.

13) Don’t feel embarrassed about your meltdown. You just saved yourself some serious dough on shrink bills in the future.

14) Let that guy that has been harassing you take you out to dinner.  Then order the most expensive items on the menu.

15) Have sex in a public bathroom and the back of a car, but not on an airplane bathroom.  This is post 9/11.

16) Date two guys that are friends.  The order in which you date them is up to you.

17) Discontinue useless friendships.

18) Wear something that is so NOT you and will raise eyebrows and a possible write-up at work.

19) Have a drink before noon.

20) Spend a night in jail for a misdemeanor that has to do with any of the above.

If you are still reading this, better get cracking. You have 363 days to go!


7 Responses to “Taynement’s To-do List”

  1. Taynement September 12, 2011 at 2:32 pm #

    LMAO…some of those are checked off but I am going to print this off and work on it. Thanks Lucid!!!

  2. Myne Whitman September 12, 2011 at 3:04 pm #

    Ahhh…I’m over 30 but still a lot to-do, lol…

  3. Funmi September 12, 2011 at 4:00 pm #

    hahaha… I love the part where you caution her about being “post 9/11″… How thoughtful of you… 🙂

  4. Ginger September 12, 2011 at 4:04 pm #

    What a thoughtful list…smirk

  5. LohiO September 13, 2011 at 1:44 am #

    hahahaha!! Go Tayne go!!!

  6. one3snapshot September 13, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Yay me! I’ve done 11 on the list. LOL
    I highly agree with #17 – discontinue useless friendships

  7. jollof October 5, 2011 at 12:14 pm #

    This is a real piece of work! Bow I feel like I haven’t lived. Have I ever hard a drink before noon? I think not – better dare to live a little. Saving this list for one of those father-to-daughter talks in the future, lol. Well done Lucid, Goodluck Tayne!

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