File under ‘Miscellaneous’

13 Feb

My sister is in town again.  And heavily preggers too.  And she has been cracking me up lately.  Without her husband and kids, she can put up her feet, eat all day, get big and watch television.  And I get to hear her silly commentaries on American life…especially reality tv and crime dramas.

“These Kardashians sef.  Why are they so famous?  I can’t stop watching them…”

“Every sound makes me jumpy…I keep thinking there are serial killers everywhere…”

“What is wrong with all these people sef who go around killing other people.  Odika onye ri juo afo oje cho onye oga e gbu.  Back home people are still struggling with basic necessities of life to worry about plotting murders.”

“Why did they end it that way?  The jury did not even bring back a verdict!”

“Why do you like only Didi and not Tornado? Of course Tornado likes you.  The only reason Didi hangs out with you is because she can’t walk, hence she can’t flee…”

“Of course I know how it works.  I Googled it.”

And between her and Turtle, the back and forth can be quite hilarious.

“Let’s get the cookie.  Come on, I know you want it…”

“No, I have to watch my weight.  I don’t want a ginormous baby.”

“But you ate some of the last pack I got.”

“Yes, I could not resist after a while.”

Both stare at the Chips Ahoy shelf for a while and then say in unison, “let’s get the cookie.”

One morning, she watched silently as Turtle made his breakfast.

“Is that sandwich all you are eating?”

“Yup.”

“You people are surrounded by food and yet refuse to eat. At home that one will make you pass out by 10 a.m.”

Atlanta has been hit with a freeze lately and baby sister is not happy at all.

“Chei!  Ewwoooooo! Na which kain weather be dis?”

“ooooyyyiiiiiiiiiioooooooooooooo!!! Chei!”

“At this rate this child will not come out.  It will just buckle down and wait for warmer weather.  Why are you laughing?  I am serious!”

“Ha! Una dey suffer oh.  Even with two jackets I am still freezing.”

Well sha…on more wedding palaver …

Today, I found out that Pitbull’s “Give Me Everything” made the top 15 wedding songs.  I had argued with Turtle about this song choice a few months back.  I thought it was sweet but the he said the lyrics were too raunchy.

“The lyrics are fine – look,” I turned up the car volume and sang along:

Excuse me
But I might drink a little bit more than I should tonight
And I might take you home with me if I could tonight
And, baby, Ima make you feel so good, tonight
Cause we might not get tomorrow

“No, it is not.  All it is basically saying is, ‘I wanna get drunk and fuck you tonite,’ which is the point of the reception but why would I want to say that when I am dancing?”

Yesterday Turtle made chicken wings while I took a Sunday afternoon nap.  He looooooves wings and makes good ones too.  Better than you would get at a restaurant.  When I woke up, he came in the bedroom and said, “wings are ready.  I ate twelve and now you have nine left to split with your sister.”

“What?  Why?”

“You know you can’t leave me alone in there with the wings!” he responded, unapologetic.

These two make my life very interesting.

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9 Responses to “File under ‘Miscellaneous’”

  1. Asampetee February 13, 2012 at 4:24 pm #

    Lol….having family around is always fun.

    *** =Turtle?

    If those are his wings…They do look yum.

  2. Taynement February 13, 2012 at 4:37 pm #

    Is that picture a picture of wings or his actual wings?

  3. Sugabelly February 13, 2012 at 11:55 pm #

    Your sister is absolutely hilarious. Fear not, Lillith, I owe you an email. ^_^

  4. Sugabelly February 13, 2012 at 11:56 pm #

    Your sister is hilarious. Fear not Lillith, I owe you an email. ^_^

  5. Amy February 15, 2012 at 6:14 am #

    Sounds like your household will be comedy central for a while. How fun!

  6. CaramelD February 15, 2012 at 9:15 am #

    Your sister is funny! When is the baby due? Chicken wings = yum.

  7. Myne Whitman February 21, 2012 at 8:01 pm #

    Now I’m craving Chicken wings, lol..

  8. nwunye March 7, 2012 at 11:52 am #

    I came because your blog is named after a demon I love researching. I stayed for the writing. HILARIOUS!

  9. taynement March 11, 2012 at 5:40 pm #

    can’t read your most recent post. no password. waaaah.

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