Kids: The Messiness of Real Life

1 May

I got yelled at to update my blog by one3snapshot so here I am, sneaking in a post or two before getting down to what I am actually being paid to do at work.

Kids.  They have a lot to teach you about life.  The four weeks Mellow and Tornado spent with Turtle and I turned out to be a very interesting time.  I learned to embrace chaos.  I mean I thought I had chaos down to a T but as soon as they left a few weeks back, I had a mental and physical break down.

Anyway.  We almost got evicted because of the noise.  Kids don’t walk.  They run.  And when they run, they do so in leaps and bounds.  And when you live in an apartment, your neighbors tend to knock on you door.

The destruction.  It was endless.  I had purchased $60 worth of organic herbs and with tender loving care, placed them in strategic locations on my patio.  For the first day, nothing happened.  I sighed with relief too soon.  Then, just before I fell asleep, my eyes flew open.  Something was not right.  I went to the patio and noticed the dirt had been disturbed and the plants were crooked.  I confronted my sister.

“What the heck happened to my lemon grass?”

She looked at me.  Guilt was written all over her face.

“I replanted them.”

The next day, I booby trapped my patio with furniture to make the plants more difficult to reach.  The lemon grass was toast.  I managed to salvage my dill and parsley.

Every day, was a discovery of new things.  The crayon painting on the window sill.  The broken Christmas ornament given out by my VP.  The punctured Giants snow globe Turtle has on the TV stand for good luck.  The unscrewed knobs from the vintage dresser Turtle inherited from his grandmother. (They don’t make dressers with pull out desks anymore people).  The broken door stop.  The pen scribbles all over my work satchel.  The pen marks all over my “how to clean anything” book.  Yeah.  The fucking irony, eh.  The pen/pencil/crayon marks all over my kitchen bar wall.  The crayon artistry on the guest room door.  The pencil painting.  Yes, you heard right. Painting.  As in one dark blob so dark, I thought it was permanent marker.

The doozie.  Turtle sat one day to do some work on his laptop.  Loo and behold.  His up and down arrow keys were missing.  We searched everywhere for it and finally had my sister interrogate here kids.  Tornado admitted to taking out the keys and putting them in the laptop.  We shook the laptop around and finally heard some rattling.  Turtle got my tweezers and somehow rescued the keys from the SD slot.  I was seriously upset.

The next day, someone had snapped a few dill branches.  My sister put her hand on my shoulder and said, “calm down and take a deep breath.”

“Why do you say that to me all the time.”

“Because you look scary.  Like you are about to explode.”

“I am going to the pharmacy to get my anti-anxiety meds,” I said.  No need to have a breakdown just yet.  They were not leaving for another ten days.

The upside.  Kids can make you see the funny side of life.  Mellow and Turtle have had this bond that defied explanation.  I think she has a teeny crush on him.  One evening as they were playing around in the living room, Mellow went to answer her mother’s call and while she was gone Turtle left to go to the bathroom.  When Mellow got back she looked around for Turtle and when she could not find him she yelled at no one in particular, “WHERE IS MY PERSON!!!”

One evening, I closed the master bedroom door and went into our bathroom for a little private moment on the potty.  I did not close the bathroom door.  Then the bed room door opened and the three musketeers: Tornado, Turtle and Mellow, barged in.  They climbed on the bed and started jumping up and down.  I tried to stay quiet so they would not know I was on the potty, but a few seconds later, Mellow stuck her head around the door.  Her eyes opened wide in wonder as in, oh my word, this auntie that yells all the time actually poops.  It would not have been that bad if she did not stand in the doorway saying loud enough for anyone in the apartment to hear, “Aunty LL, poop well, you hear?”

I stayed quiet and motioned for her to leave.

“Poop, you hear?”

Soon all three were gathered at the doorway singing, “Poop, you hear?”

FML.

I have to go get some work done now.  I will be back with my ChimChim Baby Chronicles.

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10 Responses to “Kids: The Messiness of Real Life”

  1. Vera Ezimora May 1, 2012 at 9:49 am #

    Lol. Seems like you’re practicing well. I never understand why kids are so destructive. Their motto seems to be, “If it ain’t broke, break it.”

  2. thefreaksho May 1, 2012 at 9:54 am #

    Oh My God.

    That is simultaneously the cutest and scariest thing I have read all year.

    The wake of destruction is right up there with Natural Disasters. Jesus, THEY TOOK KEYS OUT OF THE COMPUTER!

    *glances nervously at all his tech*

    • lucidlilith May 1, 2012 at 2:37 pm #

      Did I mention that Tornado took a full sized metal stapler and managed to nail a whole line of staples on the stapler. My reaction? “I don’t even what to figure out HOW he did this.”

  3. EDJ May 1, 2012 at 10:02 am #

    I know its cute and all cos these are your sister’s kids but I would be SOOO pissed. I have been babysitting for cousins and I never saw them flip out like that. Although one time one of the pre-teen older ones ordered $600 worth of “adult entertainment” on our cable so its not like they don’t get up to stuff.

    As in, just wow.

    Kpele oh! I hope you are recovered!

  4. aeedeeaee May 1, 2012 at 10:27 am #

    Hahahaha! This is sooooooo cute!

    Uhmmm…Not the gadgets part though….naaah…

  5. tobenna May 1, 2012 at 10:34 am #

    For real? Their nicknames alone bring frightening thoughts. Aaargh. They sound absolutely lovable.

  6. Myne Whitman (@Myne_Whitman) May 1, 2012 at 1:05 pm #

    Mellow sounds funny, Tornado, now I wouldn’t ask for LOL…

    But yeah, children are the ultimate teachers.

  7. taynement May 1, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    That’s crazy!

  8. mpb May 3, 2012 at 12:02 pm #

    Yowzers, I am with freaksho on this one….funny….but quite frightening.

  9. fluffycutething May 8, 2012 at 10:08 am #

    I feel better now…. i am a mum of toddlers with similar characteristics!!!! LOL

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