Married Folks: It’s a Conspiracy.

27 Jun

There are soooooo many things married people don’t tell you about getting married:

You have to pick wedding colors ( I honestly thought you just put shit together and hope for the best)

There are literally 1000 tiny bitty decisions to make (I had to answer 50 questions from my florist, 10 from limo people, 30 from bakery, reception hall – don’t even go there, invitations were a mess because some people apparently like to be refered to as Mr. or Mrs, song choices – crap shoot, programs, mass songs, budget issues, photographer interviews, dj interviews, bridesmaid musical chairs, relatives and their wahala, future in-laws and outlaws, people you forget to invite, seating chart politics, rsvp wahala, program, seating cards, decor, and don’t forget that the catholic church will interview you like you are about to join the CIA and make you go to pre-wedding classes, agree to abide by rules of liturgy as you make the 100 hundreds of decisions about your readings, psalms, readers, gift bearers, and worrying if your guest have booked their hotel rooms, and giving side eye to guests that ask you to book their hotel rooms….)

I digress.

Where was I?  Ah, –
You have to whiten your teeth (da heck … my teeth are ajar as I type damn crest stripes)
Bridezillas are not fictional creatures (your brain goes  on a fritz and it seems like every one is out to ruin your day)
Anything that will go wrong, will go wrong.  No matter how hard you try.
You start to ask God to give you another set of relatives in your next life.
By a month to the day, you seriously consider strapping a mini bottle of vodka to your garter under your dress.
By two weeks to the day, you mentally case the church to see where a private swig is possible

Okay … enough for today.  Am off to take my ativan and hopefully it kicks in sooner than later.  If I return to this post, then it did not kick in…


7 Responses to “Married Folks: It’s a Conspiracy.”

  1. CaramelD June 27, 2012 at 6:36 pm #

    Oh dear….. I honestly don’t know what to say but focus on Turtle and remember why you are stressing yourself. I have organised a few weddings and I always thought about a hip flask in my knickers/bra/garter belt as well.

  2. nonni July 2, 2012 at 4:26 pm #

    hey sorry to ask but i was just wondering since your fiancee is non-nigerian/african did he still pay bride price?

    • lucidlilith July 16, 2012 at 3:03 pm #

      Yes he did oh! Trust our naija ppls.

  3. sugabelly July 3, 2012 at 4:16 am #

    Ah!! Lillith!! I hope you’ve checked your email o!!! Sent you your commission two days ago! Have fun with the wedding!! All the best!!! ^_^

  4. sugabelly July 3, 2012 at 4:17 am #

    Ah, Lillith check your email o!! I sent your commission two days ago. All the best with the wedding!! ^_^

  5. GG July 3, 2012 at 4:06 pm #

    Wow, we kept it simple, which was a lot less stress. Wetin be colours? My only concern was that the colours we wore complimented each other, forget everything else (having no entourage was a big bonus)!

    The important thing is not to get stressed by the million little things, focus on the big picture which is the marriage itself. It’ll be over sooner than you think – good luck!

  6. one3snapshot July 12, 2012 at 2:53 pm #

    Kai, I have been so busy I missed your updates. Everything will come together beautifully trust.
    BTW – I love Nashville! The P is really cool (I can’t spell lol)

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