So far.

26 Jul

How is married life?  I would not know.  Sometimes I forget I am married.  I mean the big deal people make of weddings is simply overkill.  The only times I remember I am an old married woman is when I walk into the office hallway.  My new name smacks me in the face.  Twice actually.  Once, cause it is so weird to be called something else, the second time because it is so German.  And you all know how frightening all things German are.  Even my co-worker who is also recently married has a German last name.  My boss complains his office is beginning to sound like the Third Reich.

And Facebook.  People on Facebook never seem to forget you are married.  Najia people are already wishing me fruitfulness.  In this economy?  I can’t afford a baby and an hand bag from Belk.  But my biological clock is ticking and I know I should get on with it already.  I don’t really care.  I don’t mind adopting.  Loving a baby is so easy to do.  So we have decided to not really think too much about it.


My parents are still in town.  I really enjoy having them around because they are so amusing to watch.  They act like old married people.  Ah, to think they have seven children between them can be too much to bear so sometimes I pretend I am an only child.

I realize how extremely lucky I am to have both still alive and healthy.  Especially my father.  He might outlive us all.  Yes, he has aged and is now old and adorable.  It is hard to remember he used to be quite a tyrant.  Barking orders.  Meting out punishments.  Smacking you on the head for no reason.  Being a typical naija father.

My mother has not changed at all.  She is still calculating and uses all her divide-and-conquer skills to get what she wants from her kids.  All I know is that when she shows up all smiles there is a chance she is about to press your ATM buttons.  I don’t know how she does it.  I just give up and let her take advantage of me all the time.

Frankly, they kind of worry me a bit.  All they do is eat-watch crime dramas-eat-sleep and just plain hang out.  Only once have they expressed a desire to see Atlanta so we are taking them out to dinner this weekend.  Maybe they want us to have privacy or maybe they are taking this after wedding vacation thing a bit too far, either way, it is very un-Nigerian the way they are acting.

They simply loooooooove Turtle.  Or as my father calls him, Saint Turtle.  Or as my mother calls him, ‘The Chef.’ He can do no wrong.  Every day, he feeds all things American them while I watch amazed at how casual this all seems to him.

“More bacon, mama?” He would ask.

“No thank you dear,” my mom would say.

“Papa, bacon?”

“Yes please thank you.”

To think two years ago I would never have dreamed I watching my family eat breakfast or dinner together would make me feel so normal.  Turtle just adores them.  He worries about my dad and his memory loss and thinks I am freezing my mother to death with the AC always at 70 degrees.  They freak out every time I get behind the wheel to drive them anywhere because they are not used to seeing me drive and complain I am a bad driver.  I got mad yesterday and yelled at them to stop yelling at me or else I would turn the car around.  Then I threw my husband under the boss by tattling and telling them their new son-in-law had been in seven crashes since he started driving. Six more than me.  All his fault.  Just because he was a man did not make him a better driver.  I feel so bad for doing that but I was tired of Turtle’s damn halo.

In all honesty the crack me up on their take on American life.

“This is the United States of Everything.  So clean. Chei!  We are sooo lost in Nigeria,” my father would lament.

“So quiet too,” my mother would chime in.

“No Owambe.”

“No ‘Oloshi! Ori e ope! Oloriburuku’.”

“No go-slow.  No horns.”

“So orderly.”

“Chei! We are lost in Nigeria.”

The next day they start all over.

“United States.  So organized.”

“But why do they go around killing one another?”

“What is wrong with that child that killed 24 people?”

“That husband that shot his wife nko?”

“These people are lost?”

“We don’t even know who our neighbors are.”

“Except that pregnant one with her husband and the dog.”

“Why can’t couples fight, call their families for a meeting and go back home to live together?”

“Must they shoot? So a man can’t beat his wife again and live happily after?”

It goes on and on.  I realized early on that it was better not to interrupt.  To let them talk.  Explaining anything made no difference.  Every day was the same dialogue.  They will be here for another week and a half but I am already dreading their leaving.  It is true.  Parents, if for no other reason, simply enrich your life by just being there.  Where ever they are is home.  For the first time in 14 years, I no longer feel empty or void.  I feel quite whole.


8 Responses to “So far.”

  1. Ginger July 26, 2012 at 5:50 pm #

    This post makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. parents can enrich our lives just by being there…very true.
    Well, just enjoy them for as long as you have them. Tell Turtle i’ll replace his halo for free the next time your green self knocks it off. 😉

  2. mpb July 26, 2012 at 8:55 pm #

    all i can say is ….awww

  3. Amy July 26, 2012 at 8:59 pm #

    Just reading your post makes me love your parents. They seem so cute together! I hope they didn’t travel with just “Ghana must go bags.” Hilarious!

  4. Nduoma July 27, 2012 at 10:32 am #

    LOVE this post. Echoing the awwww

  5. Juju July 29, 2012 at 11:24 pm #

    Awwww,how we find our parents entertaining in their old age.

  6. CaramelD July 31, 2012 at 6:28 am #

    I’ve gone a bit mushy. Awwwwwwww. *sniff sniff*

  7. nonni July 31, 2012 at 1:33 pm #

    awwwwwwwwwwwww this is a really lovely post i smiled all through…you are my kind of AFRICAN girl you know with they way you casually dropped in adoption lol people find me crazy for even thinking it and i tell them what if i am not mean’t to have a baby biologically should i be denied motherhood? i really love your blog and have been a silent reader for a while now is there a blog email address i can reach you at i would like your input on something i am going through at the moment that i rem reading in your blog that you also went through…thanks

  8. pawpawandmango August 20, 2012 at 5:10 pm #


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