Food, Sleep and Birth Plans.

1 Apr

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter.  I was on Facebook over the weekend it was amazing how many people got religion this weekend.  I am not complaining.  We don’t give Jesus enough credit for Easter.  Easter bunny and eggs be damned.

Yesterday, Turtle and I watched a “Whitney” marathon.  I have never been a fan of that show but hubby does not miss it.  He claims it is an exact replica of our relationship….you know…normal guy marries crazy neurotic chick.

Lately all I have been doing is eat.  I eat every two to three hours.  And I am not gaining weight except around my middle.  Before I got preggers, the smallest snack would send the needle on the scale hurtling towards oblivion.  Not so anymore.  I am pleased, but foraging for food all day can get daunting.  Yesterday I had a big Waffle House breakfast after church around 9 a.m. then a bowl of pasta at 11:30 with a bowl of ice cream at noon,  followed by a bowl of rice and stew at 2 p.m. then two cups of tea a half hour later, a few perogies an hour later then I went to bed at 4 p.m. (totally unexpected but at this point I have given up on rhyme or reason), woke up at 2 a.m. ate Haitian picklies and rice and stew, went back to bed, had two breakfast burritos at 8:30 this morning, then a tall mocha Frappuccino AND Subway sandwich for lunch.  This will probably be followed by four cheese sticks before 3 p.m.

Foraging for food and sleeping is all I do.  People say, ‘baby got to eat,’ I call bullshit.  Baby is sucking me dry this is why I am eating like a horse and a cow. Thankfully, I have a good twenty pounds leeway until the end of this party so bring the nosh.

On another note, I have come to notice that childbirth in this country is one biiiiig deal.  Back home, you get pregnant, you give birth, end of story.  No major drama or production.  Here, the minute you become a human incubator, everybody and their third cousin starts the drama.  To be honest, procreating ain’t my favorite thing.  In fact the entire thing freaks me out but nothing freaked me out more that people’s reaction.  From the overly excited relatives to the intrusive colleagues.  It does not make me angry because this is people’s way to saying they care about you….but I got to say, it was hard coming to terms with my own emotions with other people’s excitement getting in the way.

My sister-in-law is one of those super moms with super sweet, cute, and social kids.  She sent me a text that told me to enjoy my pregnancy because it would go by so fast.  Right when I was in the middle of my nausea-fatigue-ligament-pain-gas-costipation-i-want-to-kill-turtle phase.  I love her to death but that was the last communication she would get from me regarding pregnancy.  Some of us are not built to breed like rabbits and enjoy pregnancy.  And I am not ashamed to say it.  In fact, I am hell bent on staying away from those kinds of people.

I have been researching birth plans.  I know, an oxymoron right?  Well, I watched “The Business of Being Born” by Ricki Lake and was totally convinced the reason for my paranoia is the fear of the unknown.  We all want the best but prepare for the worst so I have decided that as long as everything goes well, I will be doing natural birth.  Yes.  You all can start laughing now.

cartoon

The first woman I told – a lady with two kids giggled and told me flat out, “don’t be a hero.”  I agree.  I like pain drugs.  Who wants to suffer?  But my research made me believe that interfering with nature has consequences.  I have watched so many natural birth videos and none of these women were screaming or hollering in pain.  They were in pain but they were in control and they took their time birthing their kids.  I even saw one woman take a nap between contractions.  No one was strapped to a bed with IVs everywhere, no one was given Pitocin to speed things up, no one was given epidurals to numb you (since Pitocin makes contractions longer and more intense), and no one was subsequently given a C-section because the baby got into trouble with all that accelerated squeezing.  Childbirth in this country is scary, I tell you.  It has been medicalized to ridiculousness.  Hence my natural birth plan.  Keep laughing.  There is more.

As long as things go well, I will not be strapped to a bed.  I will have no IV. I shall sit my ass in a warm tub and wait for my body to do the work.  I already told Turtle, no matter how much I scream or cry, not to let me take pain meds.  I got off all meds cold turkey.  It would be hypocritical of me to end the whole thing with souped-up versions of what I could not have for nine months.

Keep laughing.  I will need you all to cheer and clap for me when this is all over.  And give me the medal of badassness too.

 

 

 

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12 Responses to “Food, Sleep and Birth Plans.”

  1. Yujay April 1, 2013 at 4:44 pm #

    Yes! You can do it. (This is coming from somebody who had 3cs)but try anyway its not that bad, I tried though for 12 hrs, just research on breathing techniques , it helps.yes you will miss been able to eat so much and not gain as much I tell you.

  2. Tee April 1, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    I reckon anyone can do whatever they set their mind to. I had mine naturally and for me labor was the best part of being pregnant. I’ll stand by this in a court if law!..because i did not enjoy being pregnant so I reckon I’m with you on this

    I wanted to have a water birth(esp. as I’d read that most pain relief ended up in assisted deliveries..and the thought of forceps and ventouse freak me out) but baby was not waiting and I ended up delivering about 2.5hrs after being admitted(5.5hrs after my waters broke.). Fingers crossed its as delicious for you..the end is soooo worth it!

  3. Ginger April 1, 2013 at 11:14 pm #

    Now you re entering territory i have no idea or opinions about. Like Yujay above, i will be supportive and say ‘yes we can’ :p

    A professor in reproduction at Uni looked at me and said “young lady, dont bother to push, just C it.”

    We’ll see about that.

  4. egodujour April 2, 2013 at 8:37 am #

    What Ginger said. Lol. Good luck and yes you can.

    I don’t know if I would go natural though. My monthly cramps are a b*tch and I can’t imagine anything worse than that without medication. So…yeah.

  5. Myne Whitman April 2, 2013 at 3:28 pm #

    I have called a C long ago, I don’t think I fit, but who knows? Congrats dear, and take care.

  6. one3snapshot April 4, 2013 at 8:01 am #

    I was bugging out that you kept track of what you ate and when lol. I hear that exercising up to a few days before the baby is born helps make natural birth easier.

  7. andrea April 4, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

    You can do it…..I don’t handle pain very well and took epidural with my first. Currently pregnant with my second, i will stay home and labor as much as possible.

    • lucidlilith April 5, 2013 at 10:37 am #

      Ah ah Andrea! Did not know you were preggers! Congrats oh my sister from Canada!

      • Andrea April 8, 2013 at 10:24 am #

        How did you know it was me, see this woman. How bodi….

        • lucidlilith April 8, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

          As soon as you born – you just disappeared from blogville. I hope the fam is doing great. You have been missed oh!

  8. Vera Ezimora April 5, 2013 at 7:18 pm #

    Ewwwwwwoooo. My vagina hurts for you already. Can I come watch, please?

    Seriously though, I think you can definitely do it. This post is inspiring me to write a post

  9. Amy April 6, 2013 at 9:28 pm #

    You can do it! “Natural” childbirth isn’t for me but I have a lot of friends who have done it and loved their birth experience. A lot of them have said good things about hypnobabies. You should check it out!

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