This recession thingie…

…Or as I like to call it ‘austerity’ …has finally hit me.

If you lived in Nigeria in the 80s then you would not need to google the word.

And no, I have not lost my job. *knock on wood*

Honestly, I feel like I have been in a recession ever since I moved to the United States. I have always had to budget, cut corners, do without, sacrifice and so on and so forth so when this recession came around, it was business as usual. I still budgeted, cut corners, sacrificed and went without. But this time, it is somewhat different. It is different because the cost of things have gone up. Everything costs more so your already tight budget has no breathing room. Literally.

It was appalling to realize that one lived like a King back in college. If I wanted a slab of ribs at the now defunct Farmer Jack’s, I got a slab of ribs. I could still afford to own a blockbuster membership then and comfortably rent two or three movies a week. I could buy myself one or two new outfits a month at the mall. I could afford two cars and rent and all this with considerably less money.

Fast forward to 2010. Rent, yes. New car payment …very iffy at this point. New clothes? Only if I go to Ross or Marshall’s. Ribs? If I can get over the calorie count, then maybe half a slab is as much as $10 will get me. Getting my hair did? LOL. *cue in the ‘fro*

The seriousness of the recession only went as far as what I heard/read in the news. Besides a pay and hiring freeze, my job was untouched. Last year, I only knew a few people that were out of work. This year, that number has quadrupled and if you add six degrees of separation…you get the idea.

Twice last week, I had a Jr. Double Bacon Cheese burger for 99 cents at Wendy’s because I was really determined to stick with my budget. I managed to finagle two new tops for myself this month…that’s as much as a splurge I will be seeing for a while. As for that new Remington 870 I have been dreaming of, I don’t think that will be happening any time soon. I think the day I start buying bottom shelf vodka would be my lowest point…BUT…don’t get me wrong, I know I am blessed but I figured a good gripe would help me cope mentally. I still don’t know which I can manage this year – a new car or a trip home to Nigeria. I want both so badly. So blogville, how are you coping especially you married folks with an army of kids?  AND you college students?

Jersey Shore is my guilty pleasure

I stumbled upon the shore entirely by mistake. At first, I thought it was a show for misguided wannabe tanning lotion models but when I read about all the hullabaloo from angry Italian-Americans about the stereotypic nature of the show, I was like, ‘I have to watch this!’  and boy did I ever enjoy myself.  It’s like a mix of The Real World + Bad Girls Club + Tool Academy all rolled into one.

It is so bad, it’s good. I mean, where else can you watch a bunch of over-tanned, over-endowed, gym-going, laundry-doing, fist-pumping, alcoholic, *out of breath* self-proclaimed guidos and guidettes? It’s hard to feel guilty for wanting to believe the stereotype. Just hard.

Oh where do I begin…?

Mike ‘The Situation’ whom I also fondly refer to as ‘walking herpes,’ is the most annoying of the cast mates. I am honestly offended by everything that comes out of his mouth. How dare that prune (he needs to stop tanning and take care of his wrinkly skin) refer to some girl as a grenade and another as a grenade launcher? That punch from J-woww was the best moment in the show. And the fact that he stole a drunk girl Pauly D was interested in was disgusting…since just moments before he swooped in, they were making out. Eww. With his non-discerning taste in women, he would be better off as the second male prostitute in Nevada.

Oh, J-woww. Or should I call her J-wow-wow. I get really distracted by her boobs. Like really. And I ain’t a lesbian. I will forgive her anything because she punched The Situation, but girlfriend needs to learn how to dance without dry humping strange men or showing us her crotch.

Snookie! Snickers! Snookums! I love Snookie. She is such a cute munchkin. However, her desperation to find a man is just pitiful. She also needs to learn karate if she intends to keep getting in people’s faces. People do fight back, you know. And – like J-woww…the crotch thing is also too much. You can dance without showing it off. And what the heck with making out with The Situation? *ugh*

Sammi is the most boring of the ladies. She is quite normal as in a cesspit of emotional booby-trap. I feel sorry for hook-up boyfriend Ronnie who seems to be dancing around eggshells not knowing when he will do something wrong again.

Ronnie. I love his body. He belongs to the GTL crew…as in Gym-Tanning-Laundry but he seems sweet. But he is also immature to an extent. I just can’t help thinking ‘steroids’ when I look at him.

Pauly D could have been likable except for the fact that he can’t wipe his ass without The Situation. And that horrible spiky hair. Those guys keep gel-makers in business, I swear, but also kept the hot tub grimy and full of germs with girl after girl after girl. Haven’t they heard of just screwing on a regular bed? I also find it funny that he told this Jewish girl he met at the bar that her last name would be his last name, and when the girl became stalkerish, he acted surprised. Like, really? Dude, you practically proposed the day you met this girl and now that she is actually trying to fulfill your wishes, you get cold feet. Shaarrraaap dia!

My favorite is mama’s boy Vinny. I hope he stays close to his mama ‘cus this boy is the most normal person to walk on the shore. Typical young man, chases girls but not in a bad way. I liked how he treated The Situation’s sister but if I were him, I would re-think getting involved with that train wreck’s family. My favorite quote from him? “How does my saliva taste,” to The Situation after he made out with a drunk girl Vinny had been making out with moments before. Gross.

I bid you adieu with this Jersey Shore Nickname Generator. Mine is “The Position.” What’s yours?

Ten Things…

I hate  dislike  wish I could change will openly admit about me.

I am a slightly neurotic.  I hate change.  Just this past weekend, I discovered that Cover Girl had discontinued my compact shade.  I nearly blew a gasket, running from store to store trying to find it.  I finally had to switch to another similar shade. I am still getting over it.

I scare people.  Or so they tell me.  Just a while back, Turtle cracked some joke about something….he must have referred to my belly fat or something.  When I turned to glare at him, he raised his hands defensively and said, ‘please don’t hit me.’ Anyone watching would have assumed I was an abusive chick.  Pscheeew!  And this mini ‘fro is not helping.

Jennifer Beals has nothing on me.  On a quiet weekend evening just before going to bed, I like to put on my ipod and dance to my favorite beats.  And by dance, I mean shake my thing like no man’s business. I probably look like a crazy woman but who cares…it’s not like anyone can see me.

I can’t function without lists.  Very OCD, I know but that’s how I roll.  On any given day, I am working with about four or five lists.  A personal to-do list for the month, a weekly personal and work task list, a daily list I make first thing at work, another list for reminders…this one is for things I may or may not choose to do.  Maybe I should not have stopped therapy ….*ahem* … moving on…

I love to cook.  As a teen, you could not drag me away from my novels to boil hot water for eba, but as an adult, goodness, I love to create new recipes and tweak old recipes I find online.  Not to brag but – I am a goddess with egusi, okro, afang and bitterleaf.  I am a priestess with anything pasta… cavatini, pasta sauce, sauceless pasta, rigatoni…I enjoy making simple meals like stuffed peppers and stuffed pork chops.  I dazzle with fried rice made with chicken gizzard, jollof rice made with baked chicken.  I guess all those cold days in North Dakota with nothing to do but potter around in the kitchen paid off.

I have little patience.  I will give you the finger if you cut me off.  I will slow waaaaaay down if you tailgate me and if you hold up the line at the grocery store, you will probably hear something from me.  I usually tell food prep people at the deli to start all over with my order if they don’t wear gloves and I have confronted a lady smoking at a gas station.   

I hate tardiness.

I have been told I am a germaphobe.  I don’t understand exactly how not wanting to share other people’s germs makes me a germaphobe.  Isn’t that called being clean?

They don’t know this but I can’t say no to my mom or my sisters.  They have me wrapped around their fingers.  My brothers can take care of themselves.  Yes, I do partia (play favorites).

I obsess over my tummy.  The only part of me that refuses to play fair.